"I know this sounds ugly, but with Manhattan real estate there are no rules, it's like check in at a Italian airport." Jack Donaghy : A thrilling recap of my weekend trip to Venice

The other weekend my friend Kelly was on the Venice leg of her Italian vacation with her girlfriends.  I really wanted to see her, and I wasn’t on call, so I decided to head north.  This was the first time that I had taken a flight out of Naples.  The Naples airport is actually very modern, easy to use, and even pretty clean (don’t worry, I’m sure things will correct to their natural, Neapolitan state soon enough).  This was also my first experience using EasyJet and it didn’t disappoint.  It’s kind of like flying Southwest, in that there are no assigned seats.  But there also are no boarding zones (none that are followed at least) and it was a true Italian “line.”  Just an absolutely mad rush to hand the attendant the boarding pass…  The women, children, and elderly better watch out because no one cares and you will get shoved unless you are doing some shoving yourself to get to the front of the line.  I just kind of went with the flow getting myself through the chaos.  The highlight for me was when a nearby 50-something yr old businessman's phone rang – a loud, polyphonic ringtone of “Who Let the Dogs Out” by the Baha Men.  I knew they loved their personalized ringtones here, but this was an instant classic.  The rest of the boarding went fine, but I am not really sure what the hurry was for.  After handing off out boarding passes we all got on a bus, drove 20 feet (I swear, no exaggeration), and then the door on the opposite side of the bus opened to the stairs up to the plane.  “So the last will be first, and the first will be last” Matthew 20:16. Seems like lots of wasted energy to me, but whatever...

After a flight of about an hour, I arrived at Marco Polo airport and from there it was an easy bus ride to Piazzale Roma - near the bus, train, and vaporetto (water buses) stops in Venice.  It wasn’t raining when I got off the bus, but you could tell that it had only recently stopped.  It was just relaxing and calming to breathe the faintly foggy night air and step onto the the wet street.  The bus terminal parking lot was the last time I was to see cars for the next three days.  (I don’t care what anyone says about Venice, it’s worth the trip if only to escape the madness of Italian automobiles, motorcycles, and scooters. )   Rather than try to figure out the vaporetto routes and schedules, I just began walking with my backpack and duffle bag in the general direction of the hotel.  I crossed multiple bridges and did my best to follow both the signs and my Rick Steves map to the neighborhood near the Accademia bridge where my Rick Steves-recommended hotel  was located.  (I agree with Rick, Alloggi Alla Scala was affordable, friendly, clean, and in a great location.  But there certainly were no frills.)  After reaching a point with no street signage, I had to resort to my vast knowledge of the Italian language to ask an old lady carrying her groceries home which way I should go.  “Dove Accademia?”  She responded with 50 words I didn’t understand, and she motioned for me to follow her, which I did.  For the next 15 minutes we walked down what seemed like some of the narrowest and darkest streets and passageways in the city.  At some point there was a sign with an arrow pointing towards  Accademia… “Scusi?  Accademia?”  She didn’t even break stride, but brusquely pointed down another empty street.  Using lessons learned on the mean streets of Loveland and Glover Park, I just blindly followed her down another empty and dark alley.  I wished I could make some conversation, but unless she was selling gelato or beer, it would have been an utterly fruitless endeavor.   She eventually pointed towards another bridge and quickly strung together another 20 words that I didn’t understand, but I got the message.   From there it was pretty much smooth sailing to the hotel.

After a quick shower (and this is only worth noting since it was my first warm one in weeks - thanks to calcium deposits in the pipes at my apartment…  but that is a whole other story), I was off to meet up with Kelly and her friends.  We had emailed over the week and we had agreed to meet at a café near St. Mark’s Square while the girls were eating dinner.  Not a specific café, but a café.  I like to be vague and noncommittal.  Surprisingly, there is more than one café on the square and the surrounding streets.  But I didn’t mind taking my time wandering around the streets of Venice, walking across the famous square, and seeing all the gondolas docked on the lagoon.  One of the cafés by the bell tower had a piano and a violinist outside playing for the tourists (even though there certainly weren’t many of us).  My favorite was a great version of the Beatle’s “Yesterday.”

Eventually the girls got their hands on an international cell phone and were able to track me down on my Italian cell.  Though by then the Venice nightlife certainly was winding down, we had a fun evening closing down a wine bar (actually closed it down, since they shut the steel, garage-door-type outer doors while we were still inside) and then hit the bar at the Hotel Bauer.  It was the only other place we could find that was open after midnight and it was a strange scene for sure.  They had a DJ playing pop/disco music along with a guy playing saxophone solos along with the songs.  Just kind of a train wreck...  and I couldn’t stop watching it.  It was fun, but ridiculously expensive and I am too embarrassed to admit how many Euros I paid for terrible Nastro Azurro beers.

Over the next couple of days, we saw some of the main attractions – St. Mark’s Basilica, the Doge’s Palace, the Bridge of Sighs, the Campanile.  St. Mark’s Basilica is beautiful with huge gold mosaics, colored marble (though it is fairly dark on the inside), relics of saints and other treasures.  The view from the Campanile is impressive and it was really interesting to see the layout of the city from above.

One afternoon, Kelly and I took a vaporetto over to the island of Murano.  Murano apparently is famous for its glass factories and stores.  Prior to this trip, I had thought that Murano was just the name of a model of Nissan SUVs.   The island had canals just like Venice and tons of glass shops that lined the waterways.  I picked up a few small glass souvenirs (bowl, Christmas ornaments), but decided to pass on the 320 Euro glass clowns.  EVERY single shop had these clowns and I can’t believe that anyone actually buys those weird things.  

Murano

Clowns weren't the only expensive and classy things to buy

Overall, my favorite part of the trip was just wandering through the city with no particular destination in mind and exploring some of the streets off the beaten path.  We got lost a lot, but that was part of the fun and since it is an island you can’t really get that lost anyways.  It did rain a lot several times over the weekend, but it didn’t really hurt the experience at all.  In fact, the rain, when combined with the tides, caused some moderate flooding of the streets and St. Mark’s Square.  This apparently is pretty common this time of the year and the city has workers designated to build and take down elevated walkways all day long.  The water was everywhere at times, even filling a few inches into some of the restaurants along the Grand Canal.  It was really interesting to see how life just went on and they just lived with the water, as they have been doing for hundreds of years.

My final day there started out as the wettest on yet, but then the rain suddenly stopped and the sun came out for the rest of the afternoon.  Unfortunately for them, the girls had headed back already and missed chance to see Venice in sunlight.  I had a great time just wandering all over the city, taking pictures, and riding vaporettos on the canals before taking one final boat ride back to the airport.

Venice is just such a surreal place to see.  It just doesn’t make any sense that it is the way it is, with water for streets and boats for cars.  And it has apparently changed very little over the centuries.  I really don’t have a negative thing to say about it except that it was a little more expensive than some other places in Italy.  I had heard of the water smelling bad, but I didn’t think it did.  Of course, I come from Naples where it always smells like trash, so my olfactory system may be a tad out of whack. 

I just kept thinking how there is nowhere else like it in the world…  Except the World Showcase Lagoon at Epcot … or The Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas…  but other than that, the one in Italy is pretty special.  Hilarious, I know.  Of course, the real thing is much more impressive, but Disney and Vegas do a damn good job.

The Venice Burger King makes the blog because this was the site of the first fight over whether or not I could get a hamburger on the Caufield family vacation in the summer of 2003.  Still not sure why Mom wanted to deny me my favorite food...  But this "disagreement" paled in comparison to the "tiff" outside the Palace of Versailles when I wanted to run into McDonalds and get a hamburger.  There Dad was the voice of reason when he relented and said, "Let him go get the hamburger..  He's 26 years old and I don't give a s@#$ if he shoves hamburgers up his a&&!"  Mom and Dad, you will be happy to know that I had no hamburgers on this weekend trip.